Oh Boy

You know its December when you wake up in Albany to about 7 inches of snow !

Honestly, I can't believe how time has flown by. Where did November go? Despite the fact, I'm happy December is here. The last month of this crazy year and the season of love, family and friends. Looking back on this year, it's been one full of events. Graduation, College, making new friends, losing old friends, reconneting with friends and enjoying family. I have to say that 2009 was in fact the year that I changed the most. Emotionally, physcially, mentally and all of the above.

Last night I was talking to Kwame on the phone, well talking at him I think he was sleeping (lol) but I've noticed that I've just been really stressed out lately. I know change is inevitable, and we as humans can do nothing to prevent it but I just wish there was somethings that I could prevent. One thing for sure that has been on my mind lately is Veronica. I don't want her to leave. I'm completely in denial about me feelings. Sure I am extremely happy for her, but I just feel like maybe I'm just not as brave as her. To just put things aside and change everything in my life so drastically. Mainly I'm stressed because I know I'm going to miss her so much. Even though she barey hits me up, I feel like she has been the only friend who kept out vow: To always be there, no matter how far the distance may be. Despite our lack of communication at times, I feel like she's the only person other than a selective few who has consistantly been here for me and with her gone I'll have no one. I remember the day I found out she was leaving Feb. 3 my suitmate was talking to me and I was nearly in tears. It's sucks that she's leaving, for me atleast, but I guess its something I have to deal with.

Sometimes I get the feeling that I set my standards to high for people or in general. Like when having friends, who I truely care about I out them on a pedastile. I care about people too much to deserve to be treated like the bottom of the bottom, so I'm just gonna make the changes. I'm just gonna stop caring. I'm going to stop being like Casie and start being someone else, because the way I am no one appreciates.

Jumping to yet another topic, I was talking to an old friend the other day and there's no doubt that we have had our down falls, but I still like they way that I feel like there's something there. We we talking about how someone people just don't change. They never seem to grow up, and to me its sad. It's really a bitter feeling when someone who've been close with for friends is so typical. The person never really changes and your left feeling like there's no one, besides the people your surronded by, that you an relate to.

I completely know how this feels.