[__________________________]

I woke up this morning in a really good mood. I actually got some sleep thanks to Kwame :). He stayed on the phone with me all night, even when I fell asleep. Idk I guess it just makes me feel more comfortable because like I said before I can't sleep if there's no one in my room. (Yes I'm a weirdo). So I decided to change around my layout and just fool around with it. The picture that's above my blog entry is of Albany's skyline. I forgot what day I took it but I thought it was really beautiful. I hope you enjoy it yourself.

Anyways, I was thinking yesterday about how untalented I am. I have some friends who do amazing things ! Playing guitar, creative writing, painting and I on the other hand have no type of talent. Someone asked me "What can you do?" and I simply replied "Talk, write some what, play sports and make people laugh occasionally".To me that just sounds like the average person. I don't want to be average ! I want to be someone who's just incredible. Like they know their calling and their going after it. I'm stuck here in Albany completely lost. I have no idea what I wanna be or what I wanna do with my life. I just want a sign? Maybe even a push? It's just becomming something that's just irritating because I know it affects the rest of my life. Some people say they just want to be successful. To me it's more than that. Life's about doing things that you enjoy doing, that you know your meant to do, not just about how much money you make off of it.

As I sit here completely frustrated with myself I just don't know what to think anymore. I need to find my calling as corny as it may seem.

Yesterday I forgot to add that I watched this video that someone posted on my wall. I am not very religious but it definitely opened my eyes a little to those kind of things. It has an amazing story line, but the ending I didn't really enjoy. If you get the time watch it. It actually has some meaning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piuoGb-Nhfw

Friends and Foes

It's been a while, like always but what can I do?

This weekend was probably the weekend of the wildest parties, but like the person I am I didn't go to not one of them. It's been extremely cold in Albany and definitely not the weather to be out in. It's rained all day today just to add to the depressed kind of state I'm in.

Earlier this week, I ordered my mom's birthday present online. It's really nice what I got her, and I'm sure she'll like it but I'm really upset that I can't go home. This is the first time I've missed her birthday and probably not the last. I hate the fact that I'm going to miss the look on her face when she reads our cards with the funniest sayings or sentimental greetings. Or the way she closes her eyes just before she blows out her candles. It kills me that I'm going to miss it all. This is probably why I've been so down lately but I guess in college your meant to find out things about yourself.

One thing that I've noticed that's extremely crazy is that I tend to not be able to sleep when my roommates not there or I know that she's leaving for the weekend. I'm so used to sharing a room with my sister that I feel uncomfortable when I'm alone. Last night I couldn't sleep at all. I constantly woke up practically every couple of hours. I think this is the reason, but idk.

For the first time in my life, I feel utterly friendless. The friends I had back at home seem to just forget about me despite the things we have gone through. It's amazing to see how one little variable such as a girlfriend changes everything. Even though some people may never agree with me, I am so grateful to have Veronica. like the feelings I have for her are inevitable. I miss her so much and I love her because it seems like she knows exactly when to call or to text me. It's crazy because she's probably going through so many more problems then those others but she still manages to just give me a call sometime.

On a better note, I've met some really cool, interesting people in Albany. Honestly, I feel like I meet "important" people accidentally. Jacques, who's known as "boogie" (don't ask) is really cool. I think he might be a potential bestie. haha

Midnight Bottle

Today has been an okay day so far. I woke up not feeling well so I didn't get to my first class which was American Politics. Attendance is never taken in that class anyway and my professor usually just talks about the things we had to read. As I laid in my bed my phone soon rang and of course it was my Mom. I tried to pretend like I wasn't sick but as they say "Momma knows best". My second class was English, which I went to. I figured it was only going to last about 45 minutes and I needed to get out my room so I went. We talked about plagiarism in debt, which I actually learned something that I didn't know.

Since Wednesday, it has felt like Friday to me. TGTF ! This week went by pretty fast but I'm just getting tired of my classes, probably because there hasn't been a lot of work lately. Tomorrow I only have 1 class, Math, and I'm sure it'll go smoothly. I'm actually looking forward to this weekend.

Earlier in the week I had a debate during my discussion class for my American Politics class that was pretty intense. The debate was about the views of Anti-Federalist and Federalist and how although the Federalist technically won because the Constitution was passed, Anti-Federalist made some important accusations and assumptions that are in fact true. Idk, I just found it really interesting but it was hard playing the devils advocate. I actually loved the debate, mainly because I like to argue lol but it was fun. Unfortunately that was my highlight of the week.

So today is Thursday and UALBANY that means our meal swipes start over. So you know there will be thousands of people in the Campus Center swiping away at Wendy's and all that good stuff. Me included :)

I'll catch up as the weekend progresses.

Refrigerator Wars

Right now I am definitely not in a homework mood so I've decided to blog.
I admit, I have fallen back on the reading in my American Politics class but it is so boring ! I wanna read something interesting, something insight, something intriguing. Not a text book.

Today my day has been pretty good. I made it to class on time, despite sleeping through my alarm clock (haha). Its just for the most part been a pretty relaxing day. I only had two classes today, which both went by pretty quickly. Tomorrow is my long day which I'm definitely dreading.

I have to say that I am actually really infuriated because of my suit mates. I honestly feel extremely disrespected by them and no matter how many conversations I have with them nothing changes. This weekend I went home and when I returned nothing was like the way I left it. For the most part, most of my food and drinks was either half eaten or completely gone. I don't mind sharing my food, which I've told them before, but if you can't contribute or even replace what you've eaten then don't take anything at all. I just don't understand why there is a need to go in my fridge and eat my food and drinks when they have there own. Because my room is not that spacious I have to leave my refrigerator out in our common room. I don't wanna have a lock on it because I want to trust my roommates, but I feel like there's no other option. I just feel completely used and taken advantage of.

Besides the suite wars, life's been dull. There's not much going on besides classes and heavy book bags. I decided not to go back to volleyball. It's just too much of a commitment and plus there's always intramural which is more fun. I'm looking forward to that and starting work. For the year I'm working in State's Penthouse (my quad) which is probably the easiest job on campus. All I do is take id's, give people games and equipment and make sure none of it gets broken. I'm happy that I can actually play Wii with my friends and get paid for it. lol

So this week is already going by slowly, hopefully it'll go a bit faster. :)

Conflicted.

This morning is going great. My first period class was cancelled because my professor
's sick. Now I'm just at my desk, drinking some tea along with this amazing chocolate muffin. Can you say mmmmmm?

I won't spend much time talking about the VMA's last night, but how can you not? Yes Kanye is a jack ass but I didn't expect anything less from him. He is an outspoken person and if he disagrees or dislikes someone or a situation he speaks up. Most people don't agree with his actions last night, myself either. I feel really bad for Taylor Swift and he definitely could have spoken about it later on without completely destroying her moment. A lot of people are saying their going to boycott his music but I think that's a little dramatic. Sure he disrespected her and most people don't agree with what he said but should we forget the time that he "disrespected" President Bush? Many people didn't complain about those words spoken about him because they agreed with it. All I'm saying is he's an outspoken person who just need to tame it down a bit.

The one thing that amazes me the most is how people act immature and want to fight over their beliefs of the situation. To tell me to "come see you" just proves that your obviously an individual that can not express themselves or deal with a debate. My solution : GROW UP !



Besides Kanye's craziness, Lady GAGA is with out a doubt a weirdo. I love her music but her drastic outfit changes were insane. But it's the VMA's, what would you suspect?


So now I'm just sitting back and relaxes until my English class at 12:35. I hope it goes by quickly, which is usually does. I'm still debating over whether or not I should continue the Volleyball tryouts. I feel much better but I still can't jump. What do you think I should do?

Sniffle Sniffle

WOW it's been awhile but I promise to blog more ! Scout's Honor !

So it's been what? Two weeks since I've updated this and surprisingly not much as gone on. Last weekend, like a "looser" I stayed in my dorm and around campus and just chilled. I don't know what it is, but I stilled To make matters worse day 2 of tryouts are tomorrow and I'm not sure if I wanna go. I love playing Volleyball and being competitive but my physical state is not at its best. I wish I had recorded the tryout so everyone could see it. It was seriously really really intense.

Yesterday was my grandma's 80th birthday party ! It was actually a lot of fun thanks to animated Kwame. I think its great to see a legacy who has lived through only God knows. I love my grandma and I had a lot of fun celebrating her birthday with my family.

Right now I am on the Greyhound heading back to UA. I'm actually happy to be going back but skeptical as to what my room looks like. I wonder if people are as rude as I think they are, but I'll know in a few hours.

P.S : I'm not a Scout ;)

There's No Place Like Home

It's been practically a full week that I've been in UA and I have to say that i've learned a lot about people and even more myself. Before going into that let me give you a break down of my classes.

So my prospective major is Political Science and i'm already thinking about changing it. I have American Politics, English, Math, Afro-American Literature and of course Freshman Experience. I love my schedule ! Everyday except Wednesday my classes end at 1:30. Wednesdays the only day that I have more than 2 classes and I end at 5:35, but I always have a break in between classes. My American Politics class seems like a bore. I had to buy two books for 115 and my professors not even going to be using them in lectures. I think its pointless but were still responsible for reading the texts. Theres about around 400 kids in that class. I'm in one of Albany's biggest Lecture Centers but thankfully I sit in the front. If only my professor could be a little more intriging, life would be so much better. On a better note, I love my Afro-American Literature class. Despite the 8 books i had to buy, Professor Slade is pretty amazing. He's funny, engaging and definitely knows how to appeal to our generation. Although I've only had one class thus far I really like him. He's a pretty cool teacher.

Besides Academics, life in Albany is crazy ! Last weekend I went to a house party which ended up being terrible. No I am not a party pooper. If you would've been there you would feel the same. Let's just say some white people are crazy. Most importantly I feel like I've become someone else or maybe the "real" side of me is uncovering. There's been so many opportunities to party, to drink, to potentially do drugs and although I have never been into that, surprisingly I'm starting to feel the peer pressure. It's crazy ! In high school I was the leader, now its completely different. I mean, of course this was expected but not at the levels in which its coming. Some of my friends party everyday, drink everyday, do drugs and it doesnt seem to affect. Some other people will get caught up in the same stuff like that just because everyone else is doing it. I know that I'm doing the right thing, but I don't wanna feel like the "goodie two shoes" you know? I don't wanna seem like the party pooper, but I think the 1st party I went to just threw off my outlook.

It's also a matter of who you trust. Honestly, I wouldn't even consume a sip of alcohol in a place I'm inaware of and around people who might not have your back. If I don't feel safe, forget it. Now I have some upper-classmen friends thanks to Brian, and most of the time I feel safer with them because they know where to go, who not to speak to or what places are gonna be like. Maybe I'm just overly paranoid but w/e.

Earlier this week I conquered my fear of being lost (lol) I was in Downtown Albany by myself because my roommate couldn't come along so I decided to be risky. I asked the bus driver, for directions and she gave me the wrong ones ! So I'm walking dowtown about to panic when I remembered I had GPS on my phone. So I typed in the address, and followed the signs of streets there. Now thoughs of you that are reading this and thinking "Wow, this doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment", it seriously is. There's this stereotype of Albany, that even I had that it was just a pretty place. There's no ghettos, no hood people. Basically Albany does NOT go hard. I was completely surprised ! I was in hood of all hoods. And I did not panic which is a major accomplishment lol

Surprisingly, I don't really miss anyone from home besides Kwame, Midnight ( my dog) and my friends. Not having the opportunity to roam around finding things to do with my crew has made me pretty home sick. I seriously miss going to the city, and doing civilized but fun things. I can't wait to go home next weekend. It's my grandma's 80th Birthday Party and I get to see everyone.