Tired of Living

I am absolutely confused and possibly even lost. My feelings are not exact. They just fluctuate. I can't tell what I want, I can't tell what I need. There is no answer.

I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to make the wrong decision, but who know's what right or wrong?

All I do know is that I feel like I'm wasting my time. Like I'm in this just for the hell of it and not because I want to be. I'm avoiding making an action, turning something upside down because possibly someone will hate me.

I don't know what to do. It's easier said than done, but I know this will not go away unless I make the first move. I need to stop thinking about others. Just put myself first, but it's impossible when you've never done something like this before. I'm sitting here on the verge of tears. Trying to find a reason for staying when in reality there is none; none that is good enough.

Everyone has an answer, everyone has something to say but no one really knows the depth of what I'm going through. It eroids my mind, my soul, my life. everything. I've been trying and trying and trying but I just can't anymore. I can't sit here and pretend like everything's okay. Like I'm happy. Like I'm glad to be with you.

I'm just tired of living.