Virus

Do you think that our paths are already mapped out? That the things we accomplish or don't are already set in stone? Is it possible to mess  up something that was supposed to be which could be seen as messing up your own future that has already been set?

I'm still really lost, not sure if I've been making the best decisions for myself but yet who knows what the best decisions are if you don't know the outcome? I've just been feeling really empty lately as if I have no one. No one to talk to and by that I men spill every secret, every lie and every tear to. Someone who you know is there and will always be.

I really, really, really, really miss my Mom. I miss her yelling at me about what mothers usually yell about : You're room being dirty, coming home too late, or arguing with your siblings. I miss the fact that she is the only person that has ever continuously made me happy even if she couldn't/can't give me all the things I want/need. I just miss being around her, anticipating her coming home from work to hear all the events of her day. I just miss her, period.

 Sometimes I feel like I've made the wrong decision. Like I was just being selfish and not thinking in the long run. It seems like I'm making the same mistakes over and over and never learning from them. I just wish there was a way of knowing. A way to figure out what I need to do and if this is right. I'm just so confused and thinking about it just makes me numb. I don't want to feel, but I need to.

My life right now seems like my laptop right now. There's a virus that's there but I always click the postpone button because I just don't want to deal with it.