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WOW. If my blog we're a baby it would be dead by now. I've neglected it too much probably because everything that's going on. I don't even know where to start.

For one HIGH SCHOOL is over. Senior Picnic was amazing despite its down sides but overall I had so much fun (like always). Graduation was entertaining, thanks to those who have a sense of humor that is beyond funny. It wasn't until those laughs that I released how much I'm going to miss RFK. I left with kind of a negative attitude due to some events but I've realized that I would never choose another place to spend my high school years. The friends that I've made that are still here today can never be replaced. The experiences that I've undergone have ultimately made me who I am and as corny as it seems, it's because of RFK. I will truely miss everyone and I hope that we keep in touch.

Now for the sad part, unfortunately this is my last week in NYC for a month. My summer is more than cut in half and I'm sadden at the fact that I'll miss everything. I'll miss the daily visits to the beach, I'll miss Ergin and Arsen always fighting over which country is better (Russia or Albania), I'll miss Rando's sweet gestures and real ways of life, I'll miss Vero's moments, her laugh and even more her being an amazing friend, I'll miss Ergin's disgusting conversations of "hot blonde girls" (or maybe I won't ), but most of all I'll miss my Mom and my boyfriend. I don't know how I'm going to last a month with out you. Kwame I'm going to miss everything about you. All the laughs we have. You are amazing and I wouldn't trade you for anything. :( I just want to have as much fun this week with everyone I love and care about.

In life there are always changes one can not avoid. I for one always avoid change because the meaning of it may be unknown. But today I am proud of myself because I am making my own changes. I myself have learned to not put up with things. There are too many people in the world out there that may be even more amazing that I can relate to and share a friendship. For that reason I have decided to let go of a friendship that is obviously becoming something no one expected it would be. It is unbelievable how people change with one variable to there life. How people become someone else and act extremely selfish to world and the people they know in it. Although I am sadden by this I feel it is the best because no one is supposed to live a repetetive life (isn't that why we learn history?). I am extremly proud of myself for making such a change because if you know me well enough you know that I do not like it at all. For once I am taking a risk which seems like a great choice. No one is replaceable and the experiences I have undergone can never be erased but there are some people that just don't belong and in the future we will see the outcome. All I can say is that I believe I've been an okay friend. All I can do is try, but when one doesn't receive the same in return its obviously a sign.

So I am done. I don't want to write about this anymore, consider it a goodbye.

You Win Some... You Lose Some

It's been awhile since I've written. There has been too many things going on, but I finally have some time to.
There's a lot to update you about so I'll just start now.

Last week was prom. It seems like forever. Fortunately it was more than what I expected. I had an amazing time and I know I would've regret it if I hadn't gone. Despite our laughs, tears and yawns it was an amazing night which went too fast. I still have not recovered yet lol

Last Sunday I went out to eat with my second family. Kwame's mom is honestly too nice to me. I'm, glad I don't have to worrying about her disliking me. We went to City Island and had a great time. There was wayy too much food but it was delicous. Tuesday I went to go take care of Kwame because he was sick. He is even more stubborn when he's sick but we had fun. It's been great to spend time with my boyfriend other than one day a week. Thursday we went to see an Alvin and Ailey performance which was magical. I respect all dancers and the amount of strength and passion they put into their performances. It was honestly an amazing show.

Yesterday my friends and I went to see Pelom 123. Denzel Washington has always been an amazing actor. This is a must see and I'm glad I saw it.

The main reason I haven't written in my blog is because I don't really want to hurt peoples feelings by the things I wanna say, but honestly I don't care anymore. I hate to end this entry on a bad note but some things have to be said or they'll drive you crazy. For one I have decided that its time to cut people off. I'm tired of the repetition of how a selective people or maybe just one person. Sometimes the closets people to you can become the furthest with the change of one variable. I'm tired of the same people making excuses as to why we don't hang out or why we don't see each other when the real reason is their priorities don't include me. I wish people could be as real as me and just say how they feel. Just eliminate all the bull shit and just say it. I don't want to her lame ass excuses anymore. I've excepted them for far too long. I'd rather people just tell me the truth.

As the days begin to dwindle and my time here shortens, I'm starting to see the people who really care. I finally see what real friendship is and who values me the most. Thank you to those who have proven to me who care. Thoughs who haven't and who this entry is about your world will sooner or later shake up. Remember nothings stays perfect forever.

Gelato Anyone?

Looking back besides my complaints and feelings I've had an okay weekend. I say this because I'm sure that someone else probably experienced something worse than I did. So I'm grateful for the good things that have occurred.

Yesterday I finally saw In The Heights which was an amazing play. It was exciting, intriging and most of all fun. I definitely bought the soundtrack so I will definitely over play these songs :) After the play, my Aunt and I went to an Italian restaurant. The owner of the place reminded me so much of my friend Ergin. I guess most Albanians have an outgoing personality. He was really funny but a little bit too talkative.

After that I went home and decided to go to my sisters house. Yes for those of you who don't know I have a younger half sister. It's a long story, but family's family right? I wanna try and hang out with her before I leave. I feel proud to be setting a good example for her, as corny as it may seem. Besides that we just had a lot of funny.

That's my weekend for the most part. I have to say I am so HAPPY my boyfriend's coming home today. It's been a long 4 days being unable to talk that much. I miss him so much :(

4 days until prom, excited?

Irreplacable?

Today I woke up in a really crappy mood which impacted most of the day I spent in school. I think it's because I haven't really talked to my boyfriend for the past two days. I've talked to him every single day since I've met him so I'm not used to this at all. I'm probably still in a crappy mood because there's so many things I want to say that I can not. That's where Kwame or Veronica comes into play in my life. Kwame and Veronica are my diaries who are both ironically on a trip or in another country. They keep my life balanced because the offer something that many people do not : advice. They listen to me and understand where I am coming from. Because they are both gone and I can't really talk to them I feel so lonely.

Moving on, today in school was extremely boring. Almost every senior was in the media room doing their Gildea project. Since I am such an awesome person/friend I completed mine the night before but stayed in school later to help some friends with theirs, which ended up pissing me off but I'm not going to get into that. After that I left school alone, got something to eat then headed home to go to the city with my Mom. I never really hang out with my Mom so it was a relatively good day. I don't think my Mom realizes how much I love her. I'm going to miss her so much when I leave for college but I'll save the tears and sorrows until then.

Speaking of college, I can't help but feel like I've already left. People including family, friends and even my dog. I feel left out of things which makes me feel worst because wouldn't you try and spend the most time you could with a person if you knew they were leaving in almost a month? I don't mean every breathing moment, but atleast a decent amount of time excluded school. I feel like my importance in peoples lives have diminshed. I'd rather be gone then see this but at the same time people still have to live with or without you. I guess perhaps I am replacable.

Bitter Sweet

Tonight was the annual Sports Awards Dinner at my school. It's a way of getting all the teams at RFK together and honoring or rewarding thoughs who deserve it. However I can't help but feel tonight that this was not upheld.

Yes, I am bitter for not winning an award only because I know I deserved one. I can understand why I didn't win anything for Volleyball. Mainly because there's always going to be that one person that kisses so much ass that you can't help but consider them, but for tennis I'm really shocked.

I put so much time and energy into this years season it was ridiculous. Most of the time I felt like the coach, the manager, a player and the mascot because I had so many responsibilities because the other senior on the team couldn't. I devoted my time to doing practically everything and I'm upset that despite how much I do, I never get a thank you or any recognition. I remember calling my boyfriend after a game hysterically crying because I was so stressed out that I had no help. Everything was left for me to do. It's a shame that so many people get things that they honestly don't deserve. No, I'm not being a sore loser nor am I being a brat, I'm just telling the truth.

As I think about tonight, I start to care less because honestly I feel like I don't really need the recognition or the materialistic award because I know what I've accomplished. I'm actually kind of glad another person got the ward because maybe they need that extra confidence, but why at my expense? It just hurts to know that you've busted your ass for almost close to nothing. I'm glad I will never have to play an RFK sport again.

How would you feel?

Lovely Weekend

Almost every person in America has a bbq or goes to the beach on Memorial Day. I happened to do both :)

Yesterday I had a bbq/picnic with my boyfriend and his family. OF course meeting the parents is usual a nice thing but I'll admit I was kind of afraid. lol The day went by pretty well though. We went to the beach, played basketball, football, and baseball. I think my boyfriend loves how I'm not one of those girly girls who worry about braking a nail or getting dirty. We had a great time. After that we went miniature golfing and of course I won. Although Kwame has golfed several times I beat him fair and square. For my first time I did pretty well. Following that his Mom & her boyfriend drove me home and met my dad. They had a good conversation as I showed Kwame around my boring neighborhood. I'm glad that our parents got to talk and meet each other. I think they'll get along.

Since then I'm in a pretty good mood. Everything seems to be going well with my personal life. There are just a few things that can be changed with some other people. Overall I'm just happy that yesterday went by so smoothly.

Too Early, but Blog

It's about 8:00 in the morning and I'm still tired, but since I can not fall back asleep I've decided to write a little. Let's talk about the last few events that have happen.

Friday, I took the AP English Literature and Comp. Exam. To my surprise it was pretty easy. I stressed over that test for a while but I'm happy that I feel confident in myself. I'm sure I'll get a good grade on it.

Yesterday my friends and I went to Central Park. It was a cheesy Picnic to celebrate Mike's birthday which ended up being a great day. We played foot ball, ate some sandwiches and just chilled. I love how we can do the simplest things and still have as much fun as someone that went on a 1,000 shopping spree. They are all caring, respectful and open minded which makes them all great people.

I've just noticed that in the blogs I have written I have failed to say anything about my boyfriend, which is odd because he is probably the second most important person in my life. I think that if you're ever in a relationship with someone it should be productive. There's no need for expensive gifts that "symbolize" your love or other things that may seem unnecessary. What I love about him is how he is so much like me but then again he's not. We share the characteristics like being outgoing and energetic but then we are very different. I feel like our relationship is productive because we learn from each other. He teaches me to be suddle person and to say things with out provoking so much anger and I teach him to speak up and say how he feels. He's a passive aggressive person so even though he might be upset or not agree with something, he'll just sit there out of respect for you and just take it. I wish I had the strength to do this sometimes but then again if I changed completely the Casie that everyone knows of wouldn't be the same. He is the ONLY person who it ALWAYS there for me to talk, cry or spill out what ever's upsetting me. I always say I don't know where I found him from because if there is a perfect, he's pretty much close. Leaving him to go to college will definitely be hard but even through the hardships I know we'll prevail.

Moving on to other things, Prom is about a week and a half away and I am still not excited. I don't know what it is. I have a great group of friends that I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun, but I still feel indifferent. It's supposed to be "The Night of Your Life" but I think that's an overstatement.

I guess we'll have to see what happens.